*****: well like they say…

*****: vsa does very little

*****: so it is pointless

Me: i…i don’t know what to say to that.

Me: because the only way to do MORE…is if the people want it.  i want it.  but everytime i shoot out an idea i get shot down myself

Me: everytime i want to say, hey..let’s do this.  people are busy.  everytime i say..let’s talk about this…they say…that’s a little too heavy..will people care?

Me: everytime i try to do something….no one believes in me.

Me: what do you expect me to do??  i said, let’s go to vascon.  they just kinda…entertained my idea…and no one joined in until i had already raised $700

Me: and they realized….oh…it IS possible

Me: what iv’e been trying to do all year long…is to open doors

Me: open minds. 

Me: open hearts.

Me: but it KILLS me

Me: absolutely KILLS me…that it seems worthless

*****: yeah

*****: well you have a start

Me: a start that *** and other people can’t see

Me: a start that isn’t clear to you either.

Me: because i haven’t made that evident enough

Me: because you, too, think that vsa does very little.

*****: then find a way to make people see

Me: do you think i did anything this year?

*****: well the vascon thing..

Me: is that all?

*****: viet night

*****: and tet

Me: there are things inbetween too, ya know?  like meetings….like slowly putting culture into it.  like the open discussion meeting we had.  even silly stuff like tet trung thu meeting…it was learning an old story that exists in our culture

Me: its stuff like making the dragon together

Me: its making the t-shirts

Me: its talking about the t-shirts

Me: its semi-formal…creating connections with other asian groups

Me: i’m learning myself, ya know.  what it means to really love the vietnamese in me.

Me: and i’ve been trying so hard all year to show people that

Me: to show people how much i love it.  because that’s the only way i know

Me: because people DON’T respect me.

Me: because people DON’T listen to me.

Me: i just have to try to show them what it means to me.  start there.  move up.

*****: some people are like that though

*****: they don’t care to listen to others

Me: i know that

Me: i understand that

Me: and that’s why i have to try to SHOW them.  but you know what?  if you haven’t seen the heart in me all year

Me: than i’ve not done a good job

*****: i think people do see that you have the heart

*****: but there are some who just don’t care

*****: or they don’t see that it matters

Me: does it to you?

….