“everything you’ve always wanted to be, you already are”

…said
Daniel Wallace, author of Big Fish, after he told us how he lied,
cheated, and stole on his route to being undistinguished. maybe you had
to be there.

he told some stories that made me miss
writing. he told stories about winning 4th grade contests, passing
chemistry tests, and why he had to kill his teacher. ok, so maybe none
of it was true. maybe all of it was true. well, probably only some of
it.

funny though..what do you really know about a
person…aside from what they tell you. and of that, how much do you
believe and to what extent do we really trust people….to tell truth,
to act truth, to be so comfortable and honest as to be openly naked in
our eyes. to be…real. with us…to us. i’m not sure how much of that i
do myself. i’m not sure that i think about it. maybe i should.

aside
from the awesomely amazing experiences and friends i’ve made in these
past four years of college…i’m not sure how much has changed.
granted, i’m sure i care a little more about some things and a little
less about others…all in the natural state of “growing up,”
“maturity,” whatever.

i think i will never get tired of
meeting people and putting myself in awkward situations and learning
how to deal. at the same time, i think this carefree sense has made me
hard and careless.

to be honest, i think i’m wearing down. what i miss the most, is having a best friend. do i have to slow down for that?

if
i am who i am, which i think i am, then ya know what…i’m pretty
satisfied with that. i’m pretty happy with myself…and my faults.
granted, although i’d rather be the first to point out my own
mistakes, i’d like to think that i’m open to them as well. we are who
we are, always more, never less. everything.single.thing.influences.
even the woman who beat me to the bike path this morning…because of
her, i have a better understanding of how to manuever my bike through
the trees. the little girl walking with her dad today..perhaps taking her first few steps, reminded me that
fathers are proud of, and always love, their daughters. the random guy who found James after the
induction ceremony just to share that, he too, was from Bayside, NY,
showed me what community means even to a busy northern American.
but…i wouldn’t notice these things, if they didn’t already mean
sometime to me, eh? if something about it, didn’t already strike a
chord. always more, never less.