Broken
All is well,
Alone I am.
In all my life
I seem to find me
Pouring my heart out.
Now there’s nothing left.
So why am I so depressed?
There’s no heart left to break no more sad mistakes
And yet I find myself.
Broken.

And everyone think’s I’m ok.
No one notices a thing.
They go about their busy lives and no one even takes the time.
To care.
I guess that I’ll be fine.
You couldn’t change my mind.
Cos’ in the end I know I’ll find myself.
Broken.

So I look up and take a breath
And breathe a new hope,
Come out clean with some dirty dishwater,
And a bar of soap.
Look all around me,
Everybody’s broke.
They don’t understand how life fades
Like a cloud of smoke.
So they give away their love to anybody who will take it,
Promise them the world, but turn around and then the y break it.
We get mistaken for what’s real is only fake,
And now we’re trading in our souls for all the money we’ll be making.

It’s alright, if it’s not real.

If everyone loves you, who cares how you feel.

Take it from me, cos’ from this dream I have been woken.

You’ll wake up one day and realize you’re still broken.

                                                    ~Pico Vs Island Trees

So the retreat was interesting.  i met some really awesome cool people, did some really cool stuff, and the whole trip definately got me thinking.  got me praying more.  hah…i guess the whole “deeper encounters” thing was shining bright on my heart.  thing is…i feel so broken.  so small.  standing there looking out on that mountainous view..the world being so big and complex…i was so small.  i am so small.  and then i looked down on all my fellow mountain trekkers, noticing how peaceful they looked (or maybe it was just tired )….i realized again how small i felt.  because there i was surrounded by all these people, all who seemed strong in their walk with God…or who were at least actively searching for that path…and there i was.  feeling so broken.  i was reminded how much run from things.  but ya know….when it comes down to it…i need that.  i need to feel broken.  i need to be broken so i can be put back together.  i think that’s what i mainly got out of the retreat.  well…that and great times rolling down the hill, watching lion king, playing with dough…play…dough, of course.  and i also really enjoyed the fact that everyone seemed so welcoming.  ao really is an awesome group of people. 

so now here i am….back at school…and i can’t get back into the swing of things.  heh..i feel like a puddle of squished jello.  fruit cup and all.   (for those of you who don’t know my jello theory….don’t ask…it’ll only waste your time).  but spring break is soon.  just one more week…and then i’ll get to spend some time with my big brother.  man, i miss him.  i’ve been getting to actually KNOW him this year.  or rather…i’m finally letting him get to know me.  i like it. 

  <—aren’t we silly? 

well…i guess i should finally get around to that work.  it might snow again today.  snow’s pretty.  perhaps i’ll take a walk.  its so cold lately though…